I wanted to call this “How to Kill a Lobster,” but that just sounded awful, even though the blog post is about the most ethical way to do it.
Ever since the first time I biked live lobster back to my university apartment and boiled them alive, I’ve been squeamish about cooking them. They have antennae, for goodness sake. And sometimes when you close the pot lid over top, they cry (wouldn’t you?).
But the easiest way to cook them is definitely in boiling water, cruel as it seems.
The uncontested more cruelty-free way to kill them, though, is to take a knife and slice between their eyes to kill them instantaneously. Then you can cook them however you want.
I wanted to barbecue them, so there was no way I was putting those live lobster straight onto the grill to suffer.
So I did what you always do when you need to see something done to understand it: I googled it. I watched this video on FineCooking.com. I warn you, it’s pretty awful. Then I double-checked with this video from Greatfoodvideos on Youtube, just to make sure I’d get it right.
And I’ll be honest, it was awful. Because the lobster keeps twitching after you slice through the head. So you don’t know if it’s really dead or if you messed up somehow and the lobster is suffering horribly. The whole time, I kept whispering “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” to the lobster. I even tried re-cutting it, because one of my two lobsters was moving less than the other, making me think something was wrong with the second.
I was committed to making this seafood pasta with lobster, though, so I removed the rubber bands from my deceased lobsters, brushed them with Earth Balance margarine, carried them to the BBQ and set them on the grill. If you use butter, use clarified butter, or only brush them with it when you turn them over the milk solids will burn. Don’t cut them or their juices will come out.
On the hottest part of the grill, I charred them for 3 minutes on the first side and 8 on the second. If your heat is lower, they’ll need more time. Let them cool and then separate the head from the tail and pull off the claws and legs. Then butterfly the tail.** (See 0:50 in this video to learn how to butterfly lobster tail.)
The butter was seasoned with shallots, white wine and vanilla, and all you do is cook finely diced shallots in your butter or vegan margarine of choice over low heat for about 8-10 minutes, then deglaze with a slug of white wine before removing the skillet from the heat and adding the scraped seeds of a vanilla bean* plus pepper and a little salt (if the butter is unsalted). Strain and reserve for your pasta sauce.
Then boil pasta (I’m liking this red lentil pasta from Bentilia, and no, I don’t make money for saying that) and steam some cleaned mussels in a little water or white wine until they open. Toss the pasta with the mussel juice/wine combo released by the bivalves and top with shucked or unshucked mussels, the lobster claws and butterflied lobster tail. Pour over some of the vanilla-infused butter to taste.
Heaven – for me and the lobster, I hope.
*Note: I used an aromatic vanilla bean from Sri Lanka, but the flavour didn’t stand up like a Madagascar vanilla bean usually does.
**This recipe only uses the tail and claws, but don’t waste the rest of the lobster! Pick out all the meat and/or use the shells to make seafood broth by simmering them with enough water to cover for about 30 minutes. The red roe is a delicacy, if you’re okay with eating females (this depends on the lobster stock quantity where they were caught for me). Any leftover mussel broth can be added to it. The mussel broth will saltier than the lobster broth, so you don’t need to add salt.
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