A lot of people think they don’t like pickles. That’s ridiculous. That’s like saying that you don’t like women because you don’t like your best friend’s girlfriend. Have you met all the women in the world? Do you actually know any Ukrainian or Kenyan or Colombian women?
“Pickle” just means sticking some food stuff (generally a fruit, vegetable, but not always) in brine (which could be vinegar based or not). This giant category of preserves can include chutneys, shrubs, and bread-and-butter cucumbers. See how I used “cucumbers” there instead of “pickles”? Cucumber are not pickles and pickles are not necessarily cucumbers, yet when most people think pickle, they think cucumber.
Even within the cucumber category of pickles, every cucumber pickle is not the same. The stuff you buy at the grocery store can be so vinegary that it makes your lips wrinkle. You don’t taste the cucumber and the jar is full of preservatives and fake colour (those pickles are not naturally that green…).
So it’s not “unfortunate” if you don’t like pickles, as someone told me yesterday. Because first of all, that person was not particularly upset about the fact that he didn’t think he liked any pickle ever made, and second of all, there’ll be more pickles for the people who know what they’re talking about and are open to the mere possibility that not every pickle tastes exactly the same. The fact that I was also pickling beans was lost on him. But those aren’t pickles, those are beans, he might have thought. In fact, they’re both. Let’s call them pickled beans to be clear.
In fact, let’s call my cauliflower pickled cauliflower, or dilled pickled cauliflower. While spellcheck disagrees, in the pickling dictionary, “to dill” is a verb. As in “dilled beans, which I believe is a reference to the turning another vegetable into something similar to a dill pickle (where “dill” is a noun used as an adjective). ” It’s also a noun: “Kosher Dills.” In all cases, fresh dill has been added to the pickle, which is either fermented in a salt and water solution or brined in a vinegar solution.
Next. Chutneys: usually vinegary preserves balanced with sugar and spices. These extend far beyond mango. Often there are mustard seeds and turmeric involved, as in my summer squash chutney, which is bright yellow from the orange-coloured root. The eggplant chutney I made was heavier on the apple cider vinegar than the sugar, which was good because it helped the toasted sesame seed flavour come through.
Then there are jams, which are also preserves. They’re not pickles, though. There’s no vinegar or salt-water brine.
The tricky ones are salsas, which usually contain a little vinegar to make them safe to water-bath can. Pressure-cooked salsas wouldn’t need the acid. But because they contain vinegar, are salsas also a pickle? Or a chutney if they contain sugar and spices? And what about BBQ sauce or ketchup? Are they not just puréed chutney?
Oh gosh. Look how far down the rabbit hole I’ve gone. I blame the strange dreams I had this morning about my food writer boss from enRoute being a founder of Google Maps and being part of an original team that organized drivers to map cities. “Drivers came from all demographics,” she said in my dream. “At the beginning, it wouldn’t be unusual to see suburban moms driving around at 2 a.m. in their Camry’s.” Who knows how my brain decided that a Camry is what a suburban mom would drive, but I remember thinking (in my dream) that yes, a Camry must be a reliable family vehicle indeed.
I blame the crazy dreams on the heaps of homemade roasted tomato sauce I made and canned last night. While there was no sugar added (FODMAP-friendly), there was white balsamic vinegar in there (ingredients: white wine vinegar, grape must) and the roasting caramelizes the tomatoes’ natural sugars, turning them into a tomato caramel. I might have licked the roasting pan…
Or it could have been from the second serving of brown rice pasta with chickpeas that I ate with a combo of the roasted tomato sauce and the red jalapeño salsa I made afterwards (puréed tomatoes with oregano, apple cider vinegar, salt, and heaps too many jalapeños cooked down until thick).
Either way, my preserving cupboard is full. Ignore the books behind in the picture. I won’t be needing them any time soon. I’ll be too busy spreading the gospel of pickles to those in need of enlightenment.
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